Things I decided to start this week include; running (I hate running), journalling, taking my vitamins regularly and drinking the recommended amount of water amongst other things. I’ve managed to see friends more, walk more, do all of my laundry (annoyingly with a new fabric softener that I’m pretty sure I’m allergic to) and keep my flat tidy.

I usually HATE saying goodbye - I always find it super awkward which is why I generally sneak out of parties when I’m ready to leave. However, this goodbye was necessary for everyone and I’m happy I didn’t just slip silently out the back door.

Even before I got my diagnosis a couple of years ago, I used to always tell people that I’m like a light switch, I’m either on or off. Did you ever try, as a kid, to make your light switch stick in the middle? Neither on or off, just flat in the centre? Well, that’s where I’m at right now and I hate it.

One creator, who we’ve managed for about 3 years, is someone that I value a lot - he’s a good person and I like good people. He’s shared a lot of personal news with me over the years around the same time as he’d share it with his family and friends, I know he values our relationship and his response was one I felt anxious about receiving. We had a nice chat, he’s taken the time to understand me as a person, not just a company owner or talent manager and he said something that stuck with me: ‘I’m excited to get to know just Chloë’.

I got into this career completely by accident, it wasn’t an area I was passionate about, I wasn’t someone who grew up watching YouTube or following influencers, I’m not even someone who’s ever cared about celebrities (except Rihanna… but I’m Bajan so she’s basically my cousin). For a long time, I did things for other people - I’m most certainly not a people pleaser but I was someone who constantly felt like I needed to prove myself to others.

These 3 weeks mark, what will probably be, the last annual leave I have at my company - I’ve got 3 months left until I’m out. I don’t think I’ve ever not had plans. For as long as I can remember, I’ve had something that I’ve had to do. Whether it was drama classes at 6 years old, dance all day on Saturdays when I was 15, residential summer clubs throughout school, working over the Christmas holidays at university or back to back jobs since I was 16 - I’ve never liked not having a plan. Well, my plan once I leave is to not have a plan - although, in true Chloë fashion, I’m prepping for my ‘non-plan’ year.