No is a full sentence.
As an autistic person, “no” has always felt like a complete sentence. Society tells us it’s not… but I question rules that don’t make sense. That said, there are moments when “no” requires some sprinkles on top to make it more palatable. I do not lie. Lying requires a lot of effort and attention, and I have enough to remember. So here’s some scripts for saying no, from someone who has learned that not everyone likes a simple “no, thank you.”
Principles first
Keep it short. Long explanations invite debate.
Be honest, not brutal. Clarity is kind.
Offer an alternative only if you genuinely want one.
No apology unless you actually feel sorry.
Dating
When someone asks for your number or a date
“Thanks for asking but that’s not something I’m interested in.”
“I appreciate you asking. I am not looking to date.”
When asked for a second date
“I enjoyed meeting you but this isn’t something I want to continue.”
“Thank you for the invite but I’m afraid I don’t want to take this any further”
Work
After-work social
“Thanks for the invite but I’m going to head straight home tonight.”
“Not this time, but I hope you have a good time.”
The dreaded “Pick your brain” request
“I’ve actually covered that in a few interviews and podcasts, here’s a link. If you have a specific question, let me know.”
“I set time aside for this as a paid session. If that is useful, I can share options.”
Extra task when you are at capacity
“I’m at capacity at the moment. If this is a priority, let me know what should come off my list”
“I can do A or B this week, which would you like me to focus on”
Family and friends
Event you do not want to attend
“I am not feeling up for that at the moment. Maybe we can [thing you want] on [date that you’d actually be feeling up to doing something].”
“I’ll skip this one. Let’s plan a coffee next week?”
Drop-in visits or last-minute plans
“Today doesn’t work for me. Let’s find a time that works for us both”
“I need a bit more notice, I’ll be around on [date you’re available] if that works for you?”
If you want to say no without closing the door
Use one of these four moves.
Decline: clear no. “No, thank you.”
Deflect: point to an alternative. “I’m not the right person for this, try [resource or person].”
Delay: create space to think. “I will check my week and reply by [day].”
Delegate: move it to the right place. “Please can you send this to [channel or person] so it can be prioritised.”
How to end the conversation
If they push, repeat the same sentence once. Then end it.
“I do not have capacity. Thank you for understanding.”
Practice plan
Write three lines you will use at work, three for social life, and three for family. Save them in Notes. Rehearse them out loud once. You will use them more than you think.
End note
Saying no protects your time, energy, and attention. You do not owe an essay. A short, honest sentence is enough. If you choose to add context, do it on purpose.
Try this for seven days: before you say yes, run it through your value exchange filter. If the return is thin on time, energy, enjoyment, or opportunity, say no (with sprinkles if needed).
Download your ‘how to say no’ cheat sheet here