Choose contentment and let happiness follow

About seven years ago I decided to stop chasing happiness. I realised it wasn’t an attainable goal. Happiness isn’t a constant state, so seeking it as an end goal will only lead to disappointment. I shifted my focus to contentment. That felt reachable. When I aimed for contentment, I noticed I was happier more often. I didn’t judge myself when I felt sad or angry. I recognised it as a response to something external. I didn’t sit in those feelings. They moved through because I was content with the fact they were there. When I was chasing happiness, those feelings looked like failure, which made them worse.

The thing about happiness is that you don’t want to be happy all the time. When my grandmother passed away, I was happy for the life she lived, happy she was surrounded by family, happy I got to say goodbye. I was also sad that I’ll never see her again. I smile when I think of her and I’ve cried knowing she’ll miss some of my milestones. I’m not annoyed at myself for feeling sad. I want to feel it.

Contentment is a baseline. Happiness comes and goes. Contentment lets you feel the full range without turning any of it into a verdict about who you are.

Try this for a week: each night write three lines. One thing that was good. One feeling you allowed without judging it. One small thing you’ll do tomorrow.