Just Chloë…
As part of my leaving process, I sent an email to all of my talent letting them know that I’d be leaving. It was something I was really anxious about because the relationship I have with most of the creators we manage is, of course, professional but there’s so many personal elements to talent management that it’s hard not to also develop personal relationships as well. One thing I was surprised about was how the responses were way more personal than professional - with people being more interested in my thoughts and feelings rather than how my leaving might impact them and their work. I realised that I place very little value on my place in other people’s lives - not because I don’t think I do anything for others, but because what I do isn’t anything more than what should be expected of people.
Anyway, following my email, many of our creators reached out asking if we could have a call. One creator, who we’ve managed for about 3 years, is someone that I value a lot - he’s a good person and I like good people. He’s shared a lot of personal news with me over the years around the same time as he’d share it with his family and friends, I know he values our relationship and his response was one I felt anxious about receiving. We had a nice chat, he’s taken the time to understand me as a person, not just a company owner or talent manager and he said something that stuck with me: ‘I’m excited to get to know just Chloë’.
Summer of last year was the start of the end… that sounded dramatic but it was the beginning of the tilt that led to the tip that led to me deciding it was time to leave. As someone who has accidentally managed to become quite well known within the influencer management industry, I was getting recognised more and more when I was out and about - particularly if I was at events that influencers or other industry people might be at. I had got used to it at industry events, as it was expected, but at events where I was out with friends, it was becoming increasingly difficult for me. I’m on the autistic spectrum (Asperges) so I often prep for social situations ahead of time, meaning that I was prepared for the small talk and work chat at work events but not when I was out at events that I deemed to be personal. I had one particular incident which scared me, I was getting an afterparty snack at Bagel King (a South London staple, a 24 hour food spot that is a go to after a party) with a friend on the way home from a birthday party at around 1am. I had short shorts on and probably my crocs because I’d been driving and was very clearly coming from a party. A guy approached me, incredibly animated, loud and not abiding by any basic, societal public space rules. He new my full name, the company I owned and was adamant that I should remember him because he emailed me once asking for me to mentor him or for a job or something. I politely let him know that I received a lot of emails so was sorry that I didn’t remember him but that I hoped that he’d found something and was doing well now. What I actually wanted to say was, ‘fall back bro and stop shouting my government in the middle of Bagel King’… Anyway, the situation continued, he shoved his phone in my face telling me I should follow him back and I asked my friend if we could wait in the shop for a while because I didn’t want this guy to see me getting into my car and have another piece of my personal information to add to his bank of knowledge. I’m sure I overreacted, I don’t think I was in any danger but it really brought home how people really only saw me as ‘Chloë from SHFT’ and thus thought I was constantly in ‘work mode’ and therefore it was fine to discuss work with me anywhere, anytime.
I’m not sure what ‘just Chloë’ is. I’ve been defined by my job title and career for such a long time that I can’t really remember who I was before. I’ve also had my Asperges and ADHD diagnosis while also being CEO and Founder so I’ve not really got to know myself with this new understanding because the CEO bit always came first. Anyway, that’s the whole point of this blog, to document the discovery, whatever that may be.